Liturgy for the Feast of the First Regurgitation

By Cardigan Broadmoor

(Priest enters Ring of Gastroliths carrying the Ejectakon above his head, kisses each giant stone in counterclockwise order, then stands upon central mound. He places right talon on belly and congregation does same)

Priest: May the Bile of the Leaver burn away your worldly troubles.

All: And yours as well!

(Priest touches his beak to the Ejectakon)

Priest: The Word of the Leaver!

All: Blessed, all who hear it!

(As priest begins reading, a bowl is given to everyone in attendance)

Priest: A passage from the First Regurgitation

In the Great Before, the Leaver flew in darkness. He swallowed up countless worlds until His belly was full. Then, when His belly began to hurt, He retched.

(Congregation retches in unison)

Then, He retched a second time.

(Congregation retches again)

Finally, He retched a third time.

(Congregation sticks talons down their throats and purges into bowls)

And from this Regurgitation, our world was born!

All: Peace upon the Leaver’s belly!

(As priest closes the Ejectakon and looks to the stars, congregation forms several lines in front of priest and his helpers)

Priest: O, Great Vomitous One, we are but lowly chunks in your cosmic soup!

All: Glory be to you, Prime Hurler!

[Song of Spew is sung by choir]

(Congregation pours contents of bowls into mixing pot and re-forms lines before priest. During song, priest prepares to administer the belly stones and purga-broth)

Priest: We offer our prayers to you, All-Feathered Spewer.

(Congregation holds wings above their heads)

All: Behold our supplication!

Priest: Here, among the ancient stones of your belly, we bear witness to your holy covenant with all living things.

All: We are unworthy!

Priest: All who wish to prove their devotion, come forth!

[Hymns gagged by choir]

(Priest and helpers place little stones on tongues of congregation and splash purga-broth against the giant stones)

Priest: O, Great Vomitous One, we have spewed our guts for thee!

All: We are empty!

Priest: Hurl down your blessings from Above!

All: Feed us, Leaver of Ages!

(Remainder of purga-broth used for feast. Priest kisses giant stones in clockwise order. Ceremony ends)